Why are we here?

As I logged on to facebook the other day, I saw that a close friend had posted a cosmic kind of a question on her wall. She wanted to have an insight into what we are doing on the face of this earth! Why are we here, she mused, what is the purpose of our being on this Earth? Soon, she had a flurry of replies telling her to have her morning coffee and do something meaningful so she would not have such bizarre thoughts. She was mad because that was not what she wanted to hear.

What was even more bizarre is that I have had this question in my head from as early as fifth grade. I would ask my mom, why are we here? What is left if this earth and we, were to cease to exist? My mother would tell me to go out and play. She had said to me that I was scared ever since it dawned on me that we were ON the sphere that we call Earth and NOT cocooned inside of it as I had earlier imagined. Ever since then I used to ask her that if gravity were to suddenly fail for some reason, where would we fall off and land? Finally one day, someone said we would all float into space. That is when I began to think why we were here in the first place!

Life changes fast. I definitely think that after I got to eighth grade, time began to fly by faster. The year would be done in no time at all, and it would be time for another new year. That pace has only gotten faster and faster. However, life has changed dramatically while time was busy flying. I was watching an old Hindi movie where village life was portrayed. What struck me was how slow the pace of life was! Those people were in no hurry at all! I agree it was just a movie, but life used to be like that, I am told. Nothing HAD to be done right now, like it is now. There were no schedules and calenders reminding us that everyday there was/were some thing(s) to be taken care of. I have heard people say they would not have it any other way, and then the next thing they say is how hectic life has become and that the stress is building up.

My husband asked me if I wanted a phone that would tell me if I had a new email as soon as I received it. I put my foot down and said no! This was how things got complicated. Once I knew there was an email, I would want to read it, which would mess with what I was doing in the first place. Do I really want something that is going to create more chaos than there already is in my life? No way! I do not wish to be ruled by a gadget!

There was a feature in the evening news about a family that moved away from city life, into a home that was secluded, had no TV, and electronic games, and the parents wanted their children to get back to nature. I do not know what they are up to now. The idea had really appealed to me when I watched it though. Now I know that many of you who are reading this will think that these thoughts are those of an idle mind, but come to think of it, at the end of the day, what does one want? Do you want to be at peace with the day that just went by? Or are you going to bed with thoughts of another action packed day with a dozen errands to run and another packed schedule?

I know that each one has a duty to perform, whether it is that of a parent, a child, a student, or a job holder, and we are supposed to be taking care of our responsibilities in the best way possible. That is the purpose, but delve deeper into this and you will know what I mean...

I do not have the answer to it, I am also sending out this cosmic question. What is the purpose of our existence?

Spring is here!

And the cycle of seasons continues! Winter is on its way out and the signs of spring are slowly appearing. An especially harsh winter, in many senses of the word, is finally coming to an end! The yard has taken a beating. The grass, the trees, the shrubs, all cry out for warmer weather and sunshine, and it is almost here. I was out looking at the plants and saw some surprising outcomes after this season.

My Curry plant that I had been given by a friend when it was a tiny sapling about eight inches high, does not look as if it has made it. This was the first winter that I had to keep reminding myself not to run into the yard to bring in the leaves as I cooked, because there were none. It had gotten large, it stood taller than me, and had abundant leaves. I am not sure if it is going to come back to life.

The Asian Jasmine is seventy percent dead, burnt by the frost. The part that is still green has no buds. Usually. at this time of the year, the whole plant takes on a pinkish hue with buds all over. In a few days, there are hundreds of fresh white flowers that are so wonderfully fragrant that people turn heads to look for the source. I had to move it twice before I finally had found this spot for it, right by the front porch, where it did not take a beating from the strong Texas sun in summer. I have had friends drop by for a chat and decided to stand outside and chat instead of sitting indoors, in the lovely fragrant setting.. 

As I walked to examine more damage, I noticed these little things growing out from in between the dead fronds of the Foxtail Asparagus Fern. What a blessing that one survived!

I had two Oleanders that gave abundant flowers all through spring and summer. It appears that they have not made it. I am told to give it time, as they may revive. We pruned the dead branches and allowed for the sun to warm them up and hopefully sprout out some new leaves.

The big palm is alive, but all the leaves are burnt and look a mess. I wonder how much a landscaper will charge to pull down those huge leaves. My Azaleas are looking good, they were the ones I thought will succumb, but there are surprises like that all over the yard. The Roses seem okay, and need to be pruned.

Some not so pretty creatures were out too, looking around with me. Hi there!!!

My maple is bursting with new buds, it is a tree from the temperate region and did not mind the winter that much. Look at that tiny leaf waiting to get out.

That is the story from my yard. Some things make it, some don't. We like the things we love to stick around as long as possible so we can enjoy having them around. We do not always get our wishes. However, life goes on! However harsh the winter, spring is always round the corner brimming with life, freshness and hope!

Spring is here!

And the cycle of seasons continues! Winter is on its way out and the signs of spring are slowly appearing. An especially harsh winter, in many senses of the word, is finally coming to an end! The yard has taken a beating. The grass, the trees, the shrubs, all cry out for warmer weather and sunshine, and it is almost here. I was out looking at the plants and saw some surprising outcomes after this season.

My Curry plant that I had been given by a friend when it was a tiny sapling about eight inches high, does not look as if it has made it. This was the first winter that I had to keep reminding myself not to run into the yard to bring in the leaves as I cooked, because there were none. It had gotten large, it stood taller than me, and had abundant leaves. I am not sure if it is going to come back to life.

The Asian Jasmine is seventy percent dead, burnt by the frost. The part that is still green has no buds. Usually. at this time of the year, the whole plant takes on a pinkish hue with buds all over. In a few days, there are hundreds of fresh white flowers that are so wonderfully fragrant that people turn heads to look for the source. I had to move it twice before I finally had found this spot for it, right by the front porch, where it did not take a beating from the strong Texas sun in summer. I have had friends drop by for a chat and decided to stand outside and chat instead of sitting indoors, in the lovely fragrant setting.. 

As I walked to examine more damage, I noticed these little things growing out from in between the dead fronds of the Foxtail Asparagus Fern. What a blessing that one survived!

I had two Oleanders that gave abundant flowers all through spring and summer. It appears that they have not made it. I am told to give it time, as they may revive. We pruned the dead branches and allowed for the sun to warm them up and hopefully sprout out some new leaves.

The big palm is alive, but all the leaves are burnt and look a mess. I wonder how much a landscaper will charge to pull down those huge leaves. My Azaleas are looking good, they were the ones I thought will succumb, but there are surprises like that all over the yard. The Roses seem okay, and need to be pruned.

Some not so pretty creatures were out too, looking around with me. Hi there!!!

My maple is bursting with new buds, it is a tree from the temperate region and did not mind the winter that much. Look at that tiny leaf waiting to get out.

That is the story from my yard. Some things make it, some don't. We like the things we love to stick around as long as possible so we can enjoy having them around. We do not always get our wishes. However, life goes on! However harsh the winter, spring is always round the corner brimming with life, freshness and hope!

Priceless

A couple of years ago, we were on a visit to California. Los Angeles, to be precise. It was our first visit to that state. One afternoon, we drove to the Santa Monica Pier. It was a weekday and it was not as crowded as it usually is. They have a Carousel there, which was huge.  Our son wanted a ride. There was hardly anyone around and the operator insisted that all of us take a ride. It was fun! We ventured out on the beach later. Beaches are very dear to me and I always find myself feeling very relaxed in the sea breeze. Later, we were planning on a drive along Pacific coast Highway 1 that runs along the coastline and offers an excellent view of the area. 

After a snack at one of the restaurants on the Pier, and spending a good amount of time looking around, we were heading back to the car. That's when I noticed a roller blades rental kiosk. I decided to look into what he had, and to my delight, I saw that along with all the roller blades, he had roller skates too, the old fashioned ones that I loved! I asked him about his charges, which were about $10 an hour, and decided to give it a try.

As I was growing up, my dad had bought me a pair. In no time, I was a pro at maneuvering myself on them all over the house. I would get home from school, get my feet out of my school shoes, and replace shoes with roller skates. From then on, till it was time to go outdoors to play, I would move around the house on those wheels. Outdoors was not smooth sailing and I had it rough when I tried taking them out once in a while. So I settled for using them at home exclusively. I could carry a tray of coffee mugs as I skated, and I was pretty fast too!

And now, I found myself face to face with roller skates again. If I could find myself floating right there beside the sea, it was worth trying. Amid warnings that I may have lost touch and may find myself on the ground before I even started,  I decided to try them. The man helped me find the right size and as I put them on, my better half and my son were hoping they would not have to carry me back to the car later. I heaved myself up, took a step, and another, and soon I was rolling on the sidewalk. At first I took it slow, then as I got more confident, I just took off. Husband and kiddo could not keep up, but I was on cloud nine! The sea breeze in my hair and the waves playing their music, a beautiful beach spread out on one side and palms swaying to the breeze on the other! What more could I have asked for? I had never skated on a beachfront before, and it was BEAUTIFUL! 

After about 25 minutes, I realized I was holding up our plans to go on that drive, so I decided I had had enough. I headed back to the kiosk to return the skates. I asked the man how much I owed him. He looked at my face, totally content and happy, and sighed.
"Girl, you look like you had a great time, doing it after a long time?", he asked.
I nodded, and he continued, "you were out there for less than 30 minutes, and look at you, I ain't charging you a dime for that!"
I was so surprised! I have met such wonderful people in such unexpected places. I value those who put some emotions and experiences above money. He did not lose much, and I did not gain much from that monetary transaction, or the lack of it. However, that man will always be in my mind as one who worked with his heart in the right place. As for me, it was a PRICELESS experience worth remembering a lifetime.

Long time!

I have not been here in a long time. Not that I have not thought about it. I have, but there was no inclination. Time... I had lots of, but what do you do when your mind refuses to act? I am trying to get back to normal, in the sense I know the word. I have been quite successful at doing that... or have I? The New Year began without much fanfare this year. A month is almost over and days are slipping by quickly. Time flies....... it really does... Today's thoughts are really random. I am not even sure I will have this out for everyone to read.

A cold front rolled in last night, and the skies are overcast and the temperatures are dropping . There is something about cold and gray weather that does not bring out the best in most people.
I remember I used to love the way monsoon clouds would roll in with the breeze and drench us with a heavy shower and quickly disappear into oblivion. That was the time I used to love that gray look, it used to be short lived and always with a lot of breeze and a well kept promise of a soaking shower. The kind that lasts for about thirty minutes.
I remember a time when the clouds were rolling in from the sea, and the wind was picking up... I found myself humming a rain song and looking quite happy as I exclaimed aloud.. "I love this time just before the shower, it is pleasant, the breeze makes the heat very bearable and it is not yet time to worry about how you are going to stay dry in the rain!" That short lived perfect kind of situation! An acquaintance quipped... "What morbid taste!" To date I remember the disdainful look she gave me. I was so surprised at her reaction! I could not figure out the morbidity of the situation till I later discovered all day long gray skies with dreary persistent rain. I now see that she had a point. As for me,  that short lived situation that brings relief to the parched earth, I still love it.

I had a visit from a loved one that was kind of like that rain, short lived but bringing much relief. It was nothing special in the way things went, with some health issues and bad weather, but in an unexplainable sort of way, it was very special. I have now decided that I will be more frequent here. See you soon!

Different

This has been a different month. I have had the experience of going through feelings that I did not even know existed. I have realized that there is more to the saying 'putting oneself in someone else's shoes'. It is not easy to even begin imagining what it is like for somebody else going through a particular situation, unless you go through it yourself. One takes so many things for granted and does not realize the importance of things till they are no longer there. Even if one does realize the importance of things, it is not easy to fathom what it is like when that something parts with you for good.

I wonder if I can sound more complicated than that. Those are the kind of thoughts going through my head these days. I am missing a part of my life that was always there for me. I am fully aware that what happened was for the best, and a lot of pain and suffering was avoided. However, why do I still feel so helpless, so lonely, so unable to comprehend a lot of things!

A few friends have used some very nice words that I think will stay with me the longest. Things that were taught to me and those that I carry forward will be the legacy of the person who taught me those concepts. A person lives on and around the people s/he loved in the little ways they carry forward the legacy of that person. Striving to do that should be my goal from now on.

My mom......

A different woman........ not mediocre by any standards, is how I would describe my mother. Here are a few stories about her that made her the special person she was.

She had some definite ideas about what values we should have as we were growing up. She wanted us to develop the reading habit, and she wanted us to develop hobbies. My dad saw to it that there was never any dearth of reading material in the house. He set an example by doing tons of do-it-yourself projects around the house. Music was a big passion with her, and she taught us many age appropriate songs, that won us many accolades at school. Perfectionism was her virtue, and she would tell us to keep practicing softly till we ourselves were satisfied with the sound we produced. Classical music played in the background a lot, she believed that was how one developed a ear for music.

She was not for kids who spent all their vacation time playing outside. We were allowed to go out in the summer breaks in the mornings, but not more than maybe twice a week. In the evenings, the time was set, we could not go out to play before 5 pm and we had to be home as soon as the lights came on in people's homes, which was generally 7 pm. Sometimes, when we had ghost story telling sessions and all the moms were chatting on the terrace, this rule was lax. One summer, I was not ready to wait until 5 pm. I just had to go out. All moms in our area were pretty much like her when it came to timings, so not too many people would be around early. I still wanted to go out. I made sure she was engrossed in the magazine she was reading (an avid reader she was!), and quickly moved the big hand of the clock 15 minutes ahead. We had just one big clock in the house back then. It was not a such a headache as it would have been had my son decided to do it today,........ he would have had to change clocks all over the house, three just in the kitchen. Thank God things were easy back then. Then I hung around to make sure no one noticed, and turned the big hand another 15 minutes faster, so now I was one half hour ahead of time. Our clock used to generally be ahead by about 10 minutes, which all of us knew about and still it was supposed to give us those precious 10 minutes extra every rushed morning. Radio Ceylon would be on and she would shout... Saigal has started singing, and you are still not in the shower!!!!!  For those of you who are not familiar with Radio Ceylon's  7:30 - 8:00 am program, it used to always end with a K.L. Saigal song. Our clock would show the time as 8:05 though.
Anyways, going back to my forwarding the clock story, I soon told her it was 5 pm and happily walked out. TV was nowhere on the horizon and so there was no other means of getting to know the time. I did this for two days and then got caught. Funny, but I don't exactly remember how this episode ended. One thing I am sure of, I was not spanked for it!

There was another time when there was some leftover gajar ka halwa in the refrigerator. I could not let it rest there. In the afternoon, when she would nap or read, I sneaked in the kitchen and one teaspoon at a time, I managed to finish the whole bowl. Then I covered the bowl and kept it back right where it was. However, I could not rest till she knew what I had done. So I went over and asked her to give me some halwa for a snack. She said she would, but later. I kept pestering, so finally she obliged and saw what had happened. She would tell the story till today about how her daughter could not let a wrong go unnoticed. That was something that puzzled me, when I was sure I was going to get a earful for something I had done, I would hear nothing at all, and unexpectedly, it would come.... and a good measure of it!

Once a political party worker ( a known friend) came over and told her to give Re 1 and register her name for the party. She told mom that all the neighborhood ladies had joined, and Re. 1 was a very small amount. Mom said she did not want to join any party but wanted to be outside of it to make sure she could vote for the party that worked the best. Being part of a political party was not her idea of support. She said I could give you Rs.10, but her name was not to be registered under the party. The lady was a little mad, she kept telling her that everybody had done it and it was not a big deal. Mom said it was a big deal for her. I was little at the time, and wondered why she did not do what every other lady in the neighborhood had done. On asking her about it, she said, Why should anyone do what is against their principles? In my opinion, one should not join a party just so it can boast that it's ladies wing has thousands of members, most of whom have done it just because a friend asked them to join." That was when I realized, she had an opinion, and the courage of conviction to stand by it.

What subtle lessons one learns by just being in the company of parents!

Restless....

Written on November 1, 2009............

When one feels a little low, what does one do? A good friend of mine urged me to write. I took him up on it and decided to have a go at it. Sometimes, things work out in ways that you cannot explain. One cannot even put in words what exactly one is going through. One may put a brave face and act normal, but appearances are deceptive and an unexplainable kind of feeling is left behind. There is some guilt, some helplessness, some anger, and even some remorse.

Anyways, so I chose to write to get away from those feelings. Ever since I read the Amar Chitra Katha,  I wondered what Gautam Budhha gained under that tree that made him so peaceful. I guess when you understand that, all these feelings that I talked about earlier go away. It is like that chapter in the Bhagwad Geeta I had read and understood a while ago. It talked about attachment and desires and actions and a very common sense chain of processes that can make one feel sad or at peace, depending on what choices you make. For a mortal human being, making the right choices is often a very challenging task.

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Completed on November 6, 2009

I felt like that all day that day.... it only got worse at night.... and then the dreaded call came at around midnight.... my mother had passed away............ It is so astonishing to realize that intuition is indeed a reality, which one does not believe in, until one actually experiences it.

May her soul rest in peace and may we get the strength to bear the sorrow of her loss.

Pumpkin Season!

This is my favorite season of all! I love the color palette for this time of the year. The olive greens, the oranges, the deep reds, the deep purples, the beige, the browns... all lovely shades that bring out their best when put together. Earthy tones, as they call them. When I was a little girl, and we would go shopping for dress material, I would invariably choose a brown or some shade of it, much to my mom's dismay. She would not understand why I would always be attracted to a dull color like that. To me, it wasn't dull, I thought the different shades of brown were fabulous, and I would not even look at a pink if I were given a choice. That was then, much hasn't changed, the color palette I go for is still earthy. 


When I was new to this culture, I used to enjoy seeing the lovely displays put up everywhere we went, during this season. I began looking at having a small collection for myself to make little displays of my own when harvest season was here. Slowly, over the years, things started to add up.

I have bought fresh pumpkins... but have never managed to carve them into jack-o-lanterns. It is an art, I am told. I should try it sometime. I always remember Linus (in the peanuts comic strips) saying his famous line......... I didn't know you were gonna.............. :-)........ watch it here.. Please watch it till the end. There is only one line in this 1.30 min clip. :-)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTAd0g2QGHg

Stray Incident

I was beginning to think that hummingbird policy had not changed after all. That stray incident a few days ago was probably a teenage bird who acted up and did exactly the opposite of what his parents wanted him to do. Us humans are not the only ones facing that problem, I felt assured to know.

Then I was walking around the backyard, camera in hand and felt a dance above my head. The disobedient teenager was right there, and he was on the bottlebrush! I was also right there, and the camera was in my hand! Could it get any better than that? I looked up, pointed the camera in the general direction of where he was last and took a shot. Only time would tell what I got, because he chose to dash off and suddenly be very obedient.



He was caught and had to go to his time out chair for a while. That is where I saw him sitting for a really long time. His parents meant business when he was grounded. He just sat there for a good 15 minutes, rather pensively, I would say.


I wish my son would take my- "You are grounded!" orders so seriously!

Ok people, no more hummingbird talk all the way upto March now, they are gone for the season, well almost! The backyard is a busy place though............